My Early Childhood
When I was a little girl, I didn’t have a present mother. As was the case with most millennials, my grandmother raised me. Though my childhood was plagued with feeling unsafe, my grandmother being there, really helped me feel a little more secure.
I grew up in a completely adult environment. There was a lot of drinking, partying, and fighting that took place around me. I don’t think I ever knew what it was like to be a child as my environment put me in a position where I had to learn to protect and defend myself rather quickly.
I remember sitting on my grandmothers stonewall and thinking to myself, “One day I am going to get out of here, be a great mother, and never leave my kids.” I wasn’t quite sure what any of this truly meant, but I knew that I would be the type of mother to protect my children from experiences they were too young to have.
What does Divine Mother mean?
Based on the definitions for both divine and mother from Merriam-Webster, we can safely define Divine Mother as a woman with the power to influence thought, opinion, or behavior, by law, directly from God, as a female parent.
The power of the mother is one that can change the trajectory of another life. The mother has the immense influence of the way in which her children speak, make friends, communicate with other family members, how they chose to live their lives, and what religion they commit to.
The mother holds the position of protection, insight, and a keen sense of awareness in her child’s development and can quickly intervene if needed. She is a place of comfort, security, nurturing, love, and direction.
Journey to Motherhood
By the time I was 23 years old, I had attempted to get pregnant and had no success. I distinctly remember God telling me “You won’t have children until you are married.” I had no idea what He was talking about. Most of the women around me had children already and were unmarried and not with the baby’s father. I thought to myself, “If they can do it I surely can!”
When I met and married my husband, we got pregnant within our first year of marriage and suffered a miscarriage due to numerous fibroids in my uterus https://motherocia.com/pregnancy-after-a-myomectomy/. It was then that I understood why God informed me that I wouldn’t have children until I was married. The myomectomy was completely covered by my husband’s insurance as well as the consultations and follow up exams.
I got pregnant a second time, and my son was born. Throughout my second pregnancy, my husband and I went back and forth on how we would care for our soon arriving baby. Childcare for a newborn was, on average, $400.00 a week. That was already over half of my paycheck. We knew we would want more than one child, so I made the decision to find a full-time work from home position as my husband made more money than me.
Career changes for motherhood
I suffered greatly as I found my worth in the amount of money I made. Despite my BSBA, I accepted a 5 dollar pay cut in order to work from home in an industry I had no familiarity in. I felt like I was losing sight of who I was https://motherocia.com/how-to-find-yourself-after-birth/.
I was teaching yoga, until I got pregnant with my daughter. I had a lot of morning sickness, pain, discomfort and frankly, could not get into the same yoga positions I was able to before. I felt like yoga was my purpose and calling. I felt that it was more important than my children and family as it gave me something outside of the home to do. Something that made me important.
During this time of a complete stop, I started praying and asking God to give me a purpose. I prayed that God would give me a purpose outside of my children and home, because again, I felt that these things were not important. They were not things that I saw glorified or revered in the media.
I was bombarded by publications that pushed the boss lady agenda. The woman who is at the top of her career, making an extraordinary amount of money, in the public eye, and surrounded by important people. The woman who people wanted to be next to and be like. The woman who had children, snapped back quickly, and went straight to work before the wounds of childbirth were completely healed. The one who every media outlet deemed as important.
Through my prayers, God revealed to me that yoga was not my purpose. I had dedicated 6 years to the practice and was devastated. God showed me that yoga was not of Him, but that all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose.
My eyes were opened to the truth, and in it I asked God, what is my purpose? He informed me that it was being a mother and anything else would be an addition, not the total sum, of my purpose in this life. He began to speak to me about my childhood, how I felt growing up, and some of the conversations I had with the mothers in my family.
He reminded me that children are only small for so long before they become adults and have their own perceptions of life, their purpose, and their parents. What he was telling me, was that the sacrifice required to mother young children, was temporary; that I had the opportunity that some women don’t practice, to be a fully dedicated mother.
Motherhood requires sacrifice
Motherhood is a wonderful, awesome, life changing journey but it doesn’t come free of charge. Motherhood requires sacrifice. In my case, I had to sacrifice what I thought made me important. I had to sacrifice my time and I even had to learn how to control my emotions and confront childhood trauma.
I have heard the lot of women say that being tired, career changes, and having no alone time are the primary reasons why motherhood sucks and women shouldn’t be mothers. I disagree as motherhood requires sacrificing.
The tired phase lasts until the baby is around 6 months in which they are sleeping throughout the night, giving you more time to rest. A solid husband can assist with these sleep changes as my husband and I alternated who would get up with the baby, even while I was breastfeeding and pumping.
I mentioned that I chose a career change. A Gallup Poll concluded that 56% of women preferred to stay at home over participating in the workforce https://news.gallup.com/poll/186050/children-key-factor-women-desire-work-outside-home.aspx. Contrary to popular belief, women like their children and want to be home to witness their milestones and guide them in early childhood. Sacrifice is required but each stage of our children’s life is a give and take. You may sacrifice your career for a period, and when that time is over, you are able to go back and dedicate yourself to work that you love.
A 2024 study conducted by the National Institute of Health stated that mothers in the tourism and hospitality industries were more courageous, confident, had higher will power, emotional intelligence, patience, tolerance, positive emotions, attitudes, confidence and stronger mindset than those who were not mothers. The study also reported that after childbirth, average wages for men and women were higher than those without https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11047346/.
In my personal experience, you also sacrifice alone time. Not completely, but to a degree. I strongly agree that having a supportive husband is key in being a healthy mother as he can give you time to get out of the house and spend time with your girlfriends or alone. When you become a mother, you will never be alone as you were before, but the presence of your children will give you something that being alone can’t. I believe that being a mother also provides us with a great deal of understanding and gratitude for the alone time we do receive.
I want to be clear that motherhood is not easy; but nonetheless, it is worth every sacrifice we put into it. When we work tremendously hard to achieve that degree or position, we understand that we will face challenges, setbacks, and tough times. The dedication we put into material things, must also be the dedication we put into the lives of our children, the only difference is, the reward from our children is much greater.
Psalms 127: 3-4
Behold, children are a heritage of the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth.
With Love,
Mother Ocia