I grew up in a family where the men and women alike were clowned if they got beat up or were too shy to square up. We were taught that if someone disrespected you, that you make it known loud and clear it would not be tolerated; initially with your words and immediately after that with your fists.
In my family, the women were taught to carefully listen to the words of others in order to detect any disrespect directly or indirectly. This had it’s pro’s and con’s. On the pro side of things, active listening was being taught. A careful evaluation of the words in order to alert the mind and reflexes in the case of disrespect. On the con side, we were also being taught how to listen to respond and not listening to understand.
When you are in search of something, there is no doubt that you will find it. In my case, I was like a lion waiting in the jungle; waiting for a single word to appear in order for me to pounce and devour my opponent through words, physicality, or a combination of the two. After one of my conflicts, I was fuming at the ears and expressed to my dad what the person had said and I exclaimed, “They made me act like that!” to which my father responded, “Nobody can make you act like nothing, you allowed them to control you.”
I was confused as to what he was talking about and even asked my internal self “Did he even hear what I told him they said?” When I began my healing journey, one of the biggest obstacles I had to face was anger and my reaction to how other people spoke to me. I began to realize what my dad was saying was right, nobody can make you act like nothing, it is up to us to avoid taking the words of others personally.
Words and Their Power
To understand what words truly are, we should begin with their definition and purpose.
According to Merriam-Webster, the term word has roughly 8 different definitions, but all of them have one thing in common, words have the purpose of communicating information and can be used in an utter negative manner as to tear someone down or in the absolute highest way by building someone up.
The words that build us up are easy to digest and give us hope, motivation, and ambition to keep pressing forward. The negative words are not as easy to take in as they are intended to tear us down and if we accept them, can cause deep internal issues.
So the question remains, how can we implement the phrase “Don’t Take it Personal”?
Don’t Take It Personal
The first step in not taking the negative things people say personally is to understand that you have the choice to take or decline offense. According to BetterHelp, research suggests that lack of stable self-esteem is the most common reason for verbal aggressions.
Understanding that some people may say wild things to you because of who they are as opposed to who you are can help you in avoiding the offer of offense.
The second step to avoid taking things personal is to know that you have full and complete control over your emotions. The law of conservation of energy states that energy cannot be lost nor destroyed but is simply transferred from one party to the next.
There are times when people say inflammatory statements in order to retrieve an emotional reaction from you because of the negative energy within them. We have all had that instance where we gave in to the emotional manipulation and exploded with anger, irritation, or another low usage emotion. What we discovered is that it doesn’t feel any better than composing yourself and possibly saying nothing at all. Keep your energy and don’t swap your positive for someone else’s negative.
The third step in the prevention of taking words personally is to carefully consider your words and the intentions you have with them.
In some cases, another’s communication can be totally out of line and requires a response. What we don’t want to do is respond out of emotion because the message we want to get across may not reach the receiver. What we should consider is a specific point we want to target and the best and most powerful way to construct our words in a manner that is truthful, loving, and direct. The point in the response is not to prove our superiority but to educate another on how to properly utilize their words in communication with us and others.
Ecclesiastes 7:21-22
Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others.
Proverbs 10:19
Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues.
Proverbs 12:16
Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.
Colossians 3:13
Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offend you. Remember the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
Ecclesiastes 5:2
Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God…
With Love,
Mother Ocia 💕