A loose definition of self-esteem is how much you value yourself. This is a tricky term because this seems to be the worldwide understanding of what self-esteem is. According to Merriam-Webster (which is my favorite online dictionary), self-esteem truly means a confidence or satisfaction in oneself.
If we break this definition down even further, we will find that confidence means certain and certain means assured in mind or action. It can also be described as incapable of failing.
In addition, satisfaction is being pleased and content, which brings me to this week’s subject of How to Build Confidence.
I was recently blindsided by my own intrusive thoughts of self-portrayal. I didn’t realize how low I viewed myself until I took a fast from social media.
A quick Google search of “Does Media Impress our Brain” will pull up a plethora of scientific studies confirming that media outlets leave an impression on our brain in ways we didn’t anticipate, aren’t aware of , or understand. Constantly ingesting a diet of media can affect the way we see ourselves, what we should be accomplishing, and how satisfied we are with our own lives. To build confidence you should consider the following steps:
- Identify what is causing you to feel inferior to others
- Practice gratitude
- Accept confidence as a journey
There are so many matters of the heart that it can be difficult to sit alone and sort through them on your own. I pray and ask God to reveal to me what is within me that is causing negative emotions and He reveals to me the source. Some may choose to journal or seek therapy, but this method is a continuous success in my life.
I came to the understanding that I was comparing myself to others. My friends, family, people I don’t know on social media and some people I do. What God revealed to me was that I was looking outside of myself and then comparing myself to something that isn’t within me. I wanted what others had because I saw status I saw financial assets, I saw things that I didn’t have. What I failed to realize is that God has blessed me with everything that I do have and I needed to practice gratitude toward my own blessings and not covet someone else’s.
Difficulties arise when we have to fight our own thoughts. Sometimes we believe that every thought that comes to us is generated within us and is a reflection of us. The truth is that there are many differently worldly elements that influence our thinking second by second so we have to take action and redirect our thoughts.
Once you identify the source of your inferiority, then you can change your thinking on it for example, I have a family and am a middle class American. I meditated on the thoughts of feeling less than because I don’t make 10,000 a month and I am a work from home/stay at home mother and wife while my friends are not married and going out whenever they so choose.
Instead of focusing on their blessings, I have to redirect my thinking on my own blessings. I thank God for my children and their healthy bodies, minds, and souls. I thank God for my husband and him loving me as I show respect towards and love him. I give gratitude for our family home and our ability to make the mortgage payments monthly. I give gratitude for my ability to work from home and excel at what I do to earn an income. I give gratitude for my mind and it’s ability to understand and process information. I give gratitude for my body, though still in the stage of mom bod! I give gratitude for my body’s ability to work out and move on a regular basis. I give gratitude for my extended and close family and I shift my meditation away from the negative and toward gratitude.
Confidence is a journey. You have to go through the reprogramming of the mind by actively recognizing the thoughts going on in your head and redirect them toward a positive path. You may master your thought life in the confidence to be a mother, father, worker, or friend but another journey is going to come up that requires the same effort of thought redirection. Don’t consider yourself a failure if life doesn’t work the way you thought it would or you aren’t where you thought you should be; instead consider this :
“All things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
With Love,
Mother Ocia