I haven’t always been at peace with myself and others. There was a time in my life where I felt like I was inside of a deep dark pit that I had no way of getting out of. I was addicted to porn, I was angry, I was dealing with childhood trauma and I was only 15. I had a friend tell me that she believed in God. I found this laughable as I had been through so much that a single person had not saved me from, let alone God.
She began to inform me that God didn’t like the act of homosexuality. This really intensified my anger and I went off about how absolutely stupid that was. I asked how anyone could serve a God like that, and exclaimed how little intelligence someone would have to have in order to believe that something like homosexuality was a “sin”.
One day, a couple of friends that I knew wanted to start an in school Bible study. Talk about hilarity! I decided to join, not because I wanted to believe in God, but because I wanted to be apart of something. In our discourse, my cohort informed me that the scariest book in the Bible was the Book of Revelations. I found this to be a challenge and thought to myself, “From what I have been through, nothing can scare me!” That weekend, I decided to begin reading the Book of Revelations and I didn’t stop until I completed reading it. From that point forward, my life was changed.
What Happened Once I Started Reading?
I began reading and initially, nothing happened. As I continued to read, the truth became more and more evident. I started to recount the words I had said against the God of this book and felt deep regret. I fell to my knees and immediately began praying, asking God to forgive me for what I had spoken against Him.
While I cried out tearfully, I felt two warm hands on either side of my shoulders. I looked up in both shock and fear, but to my surprise, no one was there. Inside my soul, I felt that this was the Son of God. I knew in my heart that Jesus had come to me and gave me assurance that I was forgiven. This drew me into a deeper cry of gratitude and unworthiness and though this was the end of the darkness in my soul, it was only the beginning of my walk with Christ.
How I Was Revealed to Myself
After accepting the Truth of the Word of God, the dark shadows hiding within me started to make themselves apparent. This was very difficult to adjust to, but thankfully, my dad’s cousin had began a church. We started attending regularly and this helped me better understand what I was reading, and make connections with others who also accepted the Truth.
More and more God would shine a light on the darkness hidden within my heart. At times, I would argue back and forth with Him on why I needed to hold on to certain things. There was a specific time when He reminded me of an incident that took place with my grandmother’s boyfriend. She had left the room to use the bathroom and he had done something that I wish not to discuss in detail. I hated him for this.
God reminded me of this incident and showed me how unforgiveness was causing my anger to be increased ten-fold. I argued back with God and informed Him that I could not forgive what he had done and that I wouldn’t. God showed me that if I would let it go, I would be free from the torment of the memory, free from the pain that it had caused me, and free from what was stolen from me.
After a long talk with Him, I asked, “How do I do this? How do I forgive him?” God showed me the way and once I forgave, it was like the heaviest of weights was lifted from my body. I can’t completely explain the somewhat supernatural event that took place when I gave myself over to God’s Will in this moment, but I can say that it changed my life.
I started to learn to trust God, and trust that He had the Light my soul so desperately searched for. I understood that the Power that lies within Him is not One I can generate nor any human being could.
From that point forward, more and more of my darkness was revealed and removed until the final stage of the demon living within me was exorcised. Before this took place, I would look in the mirror and see such a horribly ugly and dark person. Once this took place, I was able to see clearly; I was able to see what God saw in me to save me from myself.
I will never forget this time of my life because it was the most luminous I had ever been before. What once felt like a dark life that I wanted to escape from became one where I was lifted out of the pit of darkness into the shining of the Son.
How to Change Your Life
The first step in changing your life is to recognize that you are not just flesh and bones, but one who carries a soul within you. The health of the soul is just as important as the health of the body and I would venture to say even more so. Taking care of the being within you with the One who created it, will assist you in changing your life and managing to make it through the toughest of trials.
The second step in changing your life is to read the Bible. Of course we have preachers and such, teaching us what is in the book, but we must read it for ourselves in order to obtain the full fruit it is providing to us. By reading it ourselves, we are more understanding of what we believe, we are more equipped in dealing with the challenges of life, and we are better able to control our mind.
The third step in changing your life is to control your mind. We have to fill it with the things found in the Bible and concern ourselves with understanding how to maintain a healthy state of mind. Tending to the mind tends to the heart in that it redirects negative thinking that troubles the heart into positive life thinking which lifts the heart.
Psalm 34:4-5
I sought the Lord, and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.
John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
John 6:35
And Jesus said unto them, “I am the Bread of Life. He that cometh to Me shall never hunger, and he that believeth in Me shall never thirst.
Romans 8:2
For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come.
With Love,
Mother Ocia
That was unbelievable sweetie very good and positive and up lifting keep doing it I think you will touch the world and give them piece…
Thank you so much Daddy! I appreciate you reading this and taking the time to comment! Love you forever!