Have you ever tried searching for the definition of toxic masculinity? Thousands of results will come up to allow the picture to be painted about the horrors of manhood.
Web MD defines it as a bad attitude toward non-masculine traits such as misogyny and homophobia, with strong practices of violence and aggression and the encouragement of dysfunctional family environments https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/what-is-toxic-masculinity.
Now I want you to try something else; try to search the definition of Toxic Femininity. You see how the wording is much more soft? There is no harsh undertones in the delivery but more of a “woe is woman” type of narrative. The readily available definitions provided want to paint a picture of a victim. They want you to believe that women cannot practice toxicity because this world is a male dominated world with no strength of a woman in it. I strongly oppose this view and the definition that is given along with it.
What is Toxic Femininity?
The term toxic can be defined as poison, and that term can be defined as something destructive or harmful according to Merriam-Webster. It can also relate to an asset losing value where as feminine can be defined as the embodiment or characteristics associated with women.
To bring this definition to a soliloquy, we can define Toxic Femininity as destructive and harmful characteristics of the feminine asset causing the loss of value. Let’s compare and compare (yes I meant to write that) to reflect on how toxic masculinity and toxic femininity are two sides of the same coin.
How are toxic femininity and toxic masculinity similar?
As previously stated, toxic masculinity can be defined as misogyny, homophobia, violence, aggression, and the dysfunctional family environment.
The one element we will not discuss is homophobia as I do not believe that heterosexual men are afraid of homosexuals.
In addition, there is a broad and widely accepted definition that homophobia means hatred toward homosexuals. I don’t subscribe to the idea that a disagreement about sexual orientation means you hate the person that practices it. In addition, I would say that hatred toward anyone is a toxic human trait.
What is Misandry?
Misandry is a contempt or prejudice against men. We are currently living in a society that needs no statistical evidence to prove that there is a strong wave of hatred toward men. This energy has steeped so deeply within our nation that men have started to modify their own nature and behavior just to receive love and be accepted in their communities.
The propaganda against men has been heavily influenced by the war against the patriarchy. Here’s a question to ponder, when you add a “y’ to the end of a word, does it change the definition of the root?
The term patriarch refers to the scriptural fathers of the human race or of the Hebrew people. It can also be defined as a father or founder.
Once you add the “y” to it, the definition changes to reflect an organization marked by the supremacy of the father in a family or clan whose wives and children are legally dependent on him. More detailed definitions suggests a society in which women have no rights, are seen as property, and the men rule in spaces of economics, politics, religious leading, and positions of power. To be fair, in ancient times, when these systems of government were established, men were the soldiers fighting and dying in the wars for their kingdoms. Yes there are some instances where women were the leaders such as ancient Egyptian, Korean, and Russian kingdoms but these were the minority not the majority. What we have to accept is that men were laying their lives down on the line in an attempt to prevent the community’s wives and children from being raped and sold into slavery while the women stayed back to protect, defend, and look after the children, livestock, and village.
It wasn’t that the man was attempting to create an oppressive society for women, but one that assured her safety and peace. Of course we can suggest that there were bad actors who absolutely put forth rules to oppress women and this can still be seen today in some parts of the world, but if we only focus on the bad, how will we see the good?
Toxic femininity diminishes any ancient or current value of the man’s role on the Earth as one of oppression and void of value. Toxic femininity is violent and aggressive.
How is toxic femininity violent and aggressive?
There is a world wide understanding of the violence against women, rightfully so, yet, the violence against men is scoffed at. It is put aside as if there is no story to tell. What is ironic is that the same propaganda machine behind the publication of the power of a woman, is the same beast that says “males are stronger than females and therefore cannot be violently abused by them”.
What they fail to realize is, what women lack in physical strength against their male counterpart, they make up for in mental aptitude. According to the CDC, 97% of men who were physically abused, raped or stalked by an intimate partner were assaulted by women https://www.cdc.gov/intimate-partner-violence/about/intimate-partner-violence-sexual-violence-and-stalking-among-men.html. The same report showed that men who had been raped, stalked, or physically abused by women experienced this before they turned 25. Another report showed that women are killing men at a much higher rate than vise versa with a 17% increase from 2020-2021. During this time frame, female homicide dropped by 15% with male on male crime having no such drastic movement https://bylinetimes.com/2022/12/13/more-men-are-killed-in-households-each-year-than-women/.
The idea that women are non-violent and non-aggressive due to their feminine nature is a trait of toxic femininity.
Toxic Femininity and the family structure
The final trait of toxic masculinity is the dysfunctional family environment.
According to BBC, about 4200 single women received artificial insemination https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c5yxel9j6xeo while around 300 men have applied to receive a baby via surrogacy.
You don’t have to look very far for statistical evidence proving that a healthy male and female marital household provides the best environment for children https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2930824/#:~:text=The%20association%20between%20family%20structure,Rushton%20%26%20McLanahan%2C%202004).
Women and men are making a conscience decision to ignore scientific data that reflects the best environment for children but the statistical ratio is far higher on the side of the woman. This blatant disregard for a child without the presence of a father is toxic femininity.
Women aren’t silent about why they are choosing to have children without a present father; Bolde reports that “you don’t need a man to have a baby” and that children are much better with one parent than two bad parents https://www.bolde.com/reminder-dont-need-man-kids/.
My question is, why not better yourself and obtain a male partner that is also on the same life path? Why not learn how to be in a healthy relationship with someone and accept that there are some things you will have to change as a woman just as there are things the man will have to change for you? Relationships are about compromise and healthy relationships are taught from the parents to the child. It is toxic femininity that says the father figure is not needed and that the ideal parenting style is one where the woman gets what she wants.
My complete position is that the male and female are of equal importance. Both serving unique but powerful roles on the Earth. Anything that is opposition to this, is toxic.
Genesis 1:27
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them.
With Love,
Mother Ocia